Recently, I had a big discussion with someone about anger and forgiveness, and what makes forgiveness so difficult. I realized that it’s one of the most difficulteasy things to do. So, what makes it seem so daunting?
I think a common belief is that we have to FEEL like forgiving in order to forgive. But it’s just simply not true.
Forgiveness is a choice to be Christ-like to someone regardless of what they did to you… it’s choosing to love them anyway and not allow their actions to dictate how you respond or where your thoughts dwell. It’s not dependent on anything the other person could possibly say or do…. not an apology, not an acknowledgement, and not any form of retaliation. None of that will make it happen.
It’s one of the most difficult easy things to do.
When there IS an apology or acknowledgement, it can be easier to forgive because you feel validated and that can help you FEEL more like forgiving. BUT – as you know, that’s not always going to happen. The good thing is that forgiveness does not require it. God didn’t wait for an apology from all of mankind before He sent His Son to die on the cross, after all.
In the discussion I was having, I realized that maybe I could sum up forgiveness with the following:
1. Focus on truth. Your struggle is NOT with flesh and blood, but with spiritual forces. If we are not alert, any of us can and will be used and manipulated as pawns by the enemy. Holding a grudge against a manipulated human isn’t tackling the real issue. Put on your spiritual armor and fight the actual enemy.
2. Make a CHOICE to forgive them and continue choosing to do so, even when the temptation creeps in to dwell on thoughts about how wrong they were. What they did may very well have been “horrible,” and you don’t have to “go back to the way things were” before it happened, but you also don’t have to let that action define them. Make a choice to respond with an agape kind of love and compassion. IF this choice is difficult to you, weigh the pros and cons. Consider the bondage that is created by unforgiveness!
3. Pray. For them AND for yourself. As in… serious, compassionate intercession, pray for them. Pray that they will know peace, joy, healing, and spiritual freedom. Pray that you can recognize the influence of the spiritual enemy and resist them. EVERY time you are tempted to dwell on how hurt you were by them or how wrong they were, choose to use that as a reminder to pray for them with love, compassion, and sincerity.
You WILL be tempted to revisit those hurts from time to time.
“You cannot keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair” ― Martin Luther
When you see the birds flying over your head, shoo them away! Remember your choice to forgive, and remember that you are not doing it on your own. Claim the peace God has already extended to you, and thank God in advance for how He is going to help you learn to love those who have wronged you!
Come join our discussions in the Every Day Incredible Ladies facebook group. Does something not make sense to you yet, or is there a topic you’d like to see discussed here? Just let me know! I’m here to help you find Christ-centered life balance. I look forward to hearing from you and want to remind you that there are opportunities every day, so make Every Day Incredible!
Recently, I had a big discussion with someone about anger and forgiveness, and what makes forgiveness so difficult. I realized that it’s one of the most difficult easy things to do. So, what makes it seem so daunting?