With the recent criticism Candace Cameron Bure is facing regarding her book and sharing that she is a submissive wife, it seemed like a good time to discuss what it means to be a submissive wife.

Ephesians 5:22

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”

Ladies, does that passage make you squirm? Men, does that passage leave you with your chest puffed out a bit?

There are many aspects of love-as-God-intended that have been distorted in this world. Many will read that excerpt and take it at surface value alone: Women, obey and serve men. BUT, the message does not stop there.

Ephesians 5:23

“For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”

What makes the difference is the presence of Love (God the Son IS Love). This passage illustrates how the relationship between husband and wife was designed to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church.

It seems easier for the church to submit to her Groom, Christ, because Christ’s love is perfect. We know that perfect love is NOT selfish (1 Corinthians 13), and because of that, we can be very secure in trusting Christ when we recognize His true attributes, rather than treating Him as a fallable human being.

However, the distorted beliefs about relationships that lead to women squirming and men puffing out their chests are frequently reinforced by the failings of human love.

The passage continues:

Ephesians 24-33

“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

So, it goes both ways. Wives, submit to your husbands. Let them be the head of the household. Respect them. Let your actions support them.

At the same time, Husbands, love your wives. That means to put them first – Love is not selfish! Treat your wives as the princesses they are! (We are, after all, sons and daughters of the King!) Be to your wives as Christ is to the church. Christ was willing to lay down His life for the church. Do you guys love your wives that much? If husbands love their wives in this God-centered, Agape kind of love – wives can trust their husbands to lead.

The biggest suggestion I could make to get your marriage moving in the right direction and fully enjoy the beauty of love-as-God-intended in your marriage is to work together toward spiritual growth.

• Study together what it means to love as God intended – as Christ loves the Church.
• Pray together.
• Renew the commitment you made to one another, being sure to put the focus on God’s amazing love.

A deeper, more satisfying, loving relationship with your spouse may be waiting just around the corner. Set your “self” aside and work on BEING a more loving spouse. You may be surprised at the response you get!

What are your thoughts on the seemingly controversial phrase?