Self-Sabotage: Understanding Imposter Syndrome

I have to, but I can’t. Who am I to do this?

Have you ever been excited and inspired to do something, only to get quickly discouraged and the excitement just… fizzles out?
Maybe you get excited when you think about going back to school for another degree. Maybe it’s about applying for a promotion that starts to make you feel energized. Maybe it’s joining in a Ministry opportunity, or a personal goal like getting healthier and fitting back into those old jeans that were once comfy.

Have you ever looked ahead at a goal like one of these and just felt yourself longing for it until your thoughts drown out the hope with self-doubt and criticism?

This is actually a very common struggle. When we talk about self-sabotage, we are referring to an internal conflict that keeps us from meeting our goals. We may have big dreams of things that we want to accomplish, then that little voice in our head criticizes us for having such big dreams.

Who are you to think you can do that? What makes you think you can accomplish that?

That little voice begins to point out every flaw we have that might stand in the way. When I think of this kind of self-sabotage, I think it’s Moses and his encounter with imposter syndrome. As he stood in front of God in the form of a burning bush, Moses began to give God… The creator of all things… A list of reasons why he, Moses, wasn’t qualified to follow God’s instructions.

1. Who am I that I should go?
“Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” -Exodus 3:11
When you say to yourself, “I’m a nobody. I don’t deserve this opportunity,” You’re treating yourself like an imposter. You’re treating yourself like you’re not really a child of the King who created you with a purpose. If you are indeed seeking God first (Matt 6:33), and He leads you to something… trust Him that He’s got you covered. He has given you exactly WHAT you need and will continue to give you what you need exactly WHEN you need it. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.” Not only are such self-defeating thoughts going against who God created us to be, they are lacking faith in our Heavenly Father who has promised to provide. If He calls you to it – He will provide for whatever you lack.

2. ‎ Who do I say sent me?
“Then Moses said to God, “Indeed, when I come to the children of Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they say to me, ‘What is His name?’ what shall I say to them?” -Exodus 3:13
Do you think you have to have all the answers before you can accomplish something? Do you keep researching and planning and researching and planning and planning and researching and… Just stop. Seriously… just stop. Again, if you are seeking God first, and doing what He has instructed you to do, He will give you the answers you need when you need them. Not only that, but if you don’t have all the answers, it’s perfectly acceptable to give yourself permission to say, “You know… I don’t really know.” We’re not ever going to have ALL the answers. Only God does.

3. ‎ They’re not going to believe me or listen to my voice.
“Then Moses answered and said, “But suppose they will not believe me or listen to my voice; suppose they say, ‘The LORD has not appeared to you.’ ” -Exodus 4:1
When I was a teenager, I had a relative tell me that my voice just blended into the background and people forgot I was talking. Ouch. That really stuck with me (clearly). Again though, when we dwell on telling ourselves this, that people are not going to listen to us or believe we have the credentials we say we have, we are defeating ourselves before we even start. Again, we are stifling our faith. If God has led us there, He will prepare the way. For those who don’t believe or listen… that’s on them. You are only responsible for your own part of the story.

4. ‎ I am slow of speech and of tongue.
“Then Moses said to the LORD, “O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” -Exodus 4:10
Do you focus on your flaws? It’s so incredibly easy to do. The thing is – you are going to be much more aware of any perceived flaws than other people will be. In grade school, I went to speech therapy for a while. There were some sounds that were difficult for me to say correctly. There are times I still hear it and it bothers me. I once mentioned this to my husband, who looked at me strangely. He’d not even noticed it. I’ve known him since childhood. We are ALWAYS going to be our own worst critics.

5. Send anyone but me. ‎“But he said, “O my Lord, please send by the hand of whomever else You may send.” -Exodus 4:13
When we evaluate ourselves and find ourselves lacking, it can be tempting to hunker down, cover our heads, and say, “Let someone else do it, God. I’m not enough.”

Isn’t that what ALL of these excuses are saying? “I’m not enough.”

What does that sound like to you? Isn’t that exactly what we have been talking about here at Every Day Incredible? Those negative, destructive words that find a stronghold deep in our minds and make themselves at home in our wounded hearts?

Isn’t that how our enemy works? Evil is sneaky, ladies.

Acknowledge those thoughts. Are they consistent with who God is, and who you are to God?

No. I can say with confidence that they are not.

I want to challenge you to do something. Grab a piece of paper and a pen. Make a list of all of the excuses that echo in your mind when you think of that goal you have always had a dream of reaching. Every excuse that comes. When you have your list, out from each excuse, I want you to challenge it with what God says is true. What is true about who He is, and who You are to Him. If you have trouble with this, come to the Every Day Ladies Facebook group and we can work on this together.

With each excuse, I encourage you to say, out loud, that you choose to no longer give into believing that excuse because the truth is – then finish that thought with the truth you have written.

 

I look forward to hearing from you in the group. Don’t forget to sign up for the Every Day Incredible Mailing list at EveryDayIncredible.net for freebies, updates, and offers. Check back next week for more thoughts on finding Christ-Centered life balance. I also want to remind you that there are opportunities every day, so make every day incredible!

Setting SMART Goals to Stay Motivated

How long has it been since you took the time to revisit your goals. We’ve been talking about figuring out where you’re going, what your personal mission is, and more, so today I wanted to dig a bit deeper into goal setting.

In the grand scheme of things, where do you want to be in 6 months? 6 years? What are the big goals you want to achieve?

If you could really nail it down, looking into your future, what are your top priority goals that, when you reach them, you can look around and think, “This. This is what I wanted to do. I have succeeded.” Obviously, we always have goals, but what big goals are next?

When you are setting goals and finding motivation to move forward, it is very helpful to be very clear, and use “SMART” Goal-setting.  SMART goals are goals that are:

S- Specific  M- Measurable  A- Attainable  R- Realistic  T- Time-based

When your goals are SMART, it gives you more of a road map with a clear path highlighted.

Let’s apply it.

Goal(s) – What is the dream, vision, hope, or desired change? What will it look like when you have reached the goal? What will be different than your current situation? For example, maybe you have a goal to be able to rate your anxiety as a 2 on a scale of 1 to 10 and it’s currently staying around a 7. Or maybe you want to meet a goal of improving your physical health, “as evidenced by” weight loss, loss of inches, improvement in bloodwork from your doctor, your self-rating of your energy level, or any other measurable goal. Do you have a professional goal, such as completing a certification? What goal or goals do you want to give focus right now?

Barriers What specific challenges stand between you and your goal(s)? Include challenges resulting from mental illness or addiction. Do you engage in negative self-talk? Hear a lot of criticism from others? Maybe you have a physical condition that keeps you drained and makes it difficult to focus. Everyone’s barriers will be unique in some way. What are yours?

Strengths  – What individual/family abilities, attributes, attitudes, past accomplishments, motivations, etc. can help you overcome barriers and reach your goal(s)? Be generous! Give yourself credit for your strengths! This is not the time to be modest, it’s a time to be real with yourself and acknowledge those strengths. What do you have going for you that is going to help you in your success?

Objectives – Specifically describe how you will be able to measure progress. Include action words and target date to complete your goals.         S- Simple M- Measurable A- Attainable R- Relevant/Realistic T- Time-based

What are the small steps you could take that lead up to the bigger steps? For example, if you want to complete the professional certification,  you may need to obtain a study guide, schedule time for review, complete necessary coursework, take practice exams, or organize a study group. Keep the steps doable so they aren’t overwhelming, and set a reasonable time-frame for each objective.

Interventions How can your support network help you? What specific things can others do help keep you on track and motivated?

 

Be sure to visit the Every Day Incredible Ladies Facebook group to find other ladies like you who are interested in supporting each other in their own goals. For a more personalized, private membership, check out “Take the Next Step” from the top menu at everydayincredible.net. I look forward to hearing about your goals!

What’s Your Excuse? From Making Excuses to Finding Motivation

 

Excuses.

Let’s face it. We all have them. What’s your excuse for continuing in the same path you’ve been traveling?

“I’m too stressed.”

“It’s the only thing that helps me relax.”

“I deserve it because what they did hurt me.”

“I’m just in a bad mood.”

“I’ve been in a funk since……. ”

“It’s just my personality, I can’t help it.”

“It’s just how I was brought up.”

“It’s just….”

“I’m just….”

Enough.

While some excuses may be true, why do we let them dictate our actions? Why do they have to determine whether or not we are going to get out of our ruts?

What if, instead of focusing on excuses that are holding you back, you shifted your thinking to all of the reasons to move forward?

What if you challenged each of those excuses you’ve used. Are they accurate? Would you tell your best friend the same things about her? For example, would you tell your best friend she deserves to be mistreated? Would you tell your best friend that she just doesn’t have what it takes to improve and move forward? Do you tell yourself those things?

What purpose do your excuses serve? Excuses have a way of masking our fears and insecurity. If we don’t try, we can’t fail, right? That may be true, but if we don’t try, we also can’t succeed.

Sometimes, when looking for motivation and clearing your head so you can make a decision to move forward, it can be very helpful to weigh the pros and cons. The process works best when you list every “pro,” or positive consequence of making whatever the change or decision is, as well as every pro of NOT making the change or decision. Follow that with every “con,” or undesireable consequence of making that change/decision vs. not making that change or decision.

When you can see that the pros of working toward your goals and cons of staying where you are outweigh the opposite… THAT is how you find motivation. Combine that with a good, solid plan of action, and you have momentum.

Below is a chart taken from an ebook I wrote on how to beat anxiety (check out the ecourse here). This specific pros and cons chart is a sample based on the decision to make the necessary changes to address and defeat anxiety. We could look at it now as a decision to make a change or cling to past excuses that mask our fear and insecurity.

What are your excuses? What fears lie beneath them?

Proverbs 15:22

Without counsel, plans fail; but with many advisors, they succeed.

When you’re making any decision and you’re weighing out the pros and cons, it can be very helpful to talk to those you love and trust, and those you know are going to give you honest opinions and not just go along with whatever you think. Above all, don’t forget to pray about your decisions and ask God for His guidance.

Be sure to head over to the Every Day Incredible Ladies facebook group and discuss your own pros and cons lists. What are your reasons for making the changes you need to make so you can move forward and make every day incredible?

Finding Your Mission

 

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”
– Maya Angelou

I once had a job that I began as a temp. I was shown to a desk, given a key, and provided very little information beyond that. It’s interesting how overwhelming it can be to not have structure in a job…. to not have clear expectations or direction. What sounds like freedom becomes a hindrance.

Thankfully, as I began to see various needs that presented themselves, I was given and created projects to work on that were enjoyable to me. I found mini missions along the way, to keep me moving forward.

If you’ve ever been in a job where you felt like you had no purpose – where there was no attainable goal in mind, or it seemed like your input was of no real value, you understand what I mean when I say it can be detrimental. Feeling stagnant in a job makes showing up a real challenge.

Going a step further, have you ever felt stagnant in life? Like you are just wandering aimlessly, without any real purpose or mission?

It’s not healthy. You have so much potential, and it’s a shame to let it go unchallenged and unapplied.

In the last post, we asked, where are we going, and how are we going to get there?

Let’s get more specific. How ARE you going to get there?

The first step of making a change is to know what you’re changing and what your goals are. If you have been feeling lost and aimless, it’s important to find your mission.

For those in business, a mission statement is a standard part of a business’ focus. It helps guide and direct decisions to make sure the business as a whole stays on track to reach goals. It’s brilliant, really. You have to have a clear idea of what you want or you’re not going to know where to go to find it.

In the free membership area, you’ll find a mission statement generator.  It is a form that will get you started. When you complete it, it will be sent to your email, where you can then tweak and further customize as much as you’d like until you have a mission statement that works for you, personally.

Don’t forget to share your personal mission statement in the Every Day Incredible Ladies facebook group!

 

Get Healthy, Find a Balance!

 

What is the first thought that comes to mind if I say, “Get healthy”? My guess is that the majority of you (though maybe not all) immediately associated the phrase with physical fitness and dieting. Did you have another association?
Physical wellness is only one dimension of many to take into consideration when you think of your overall wellness. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) promotes a national wellness initiative focusing on the 8 dimensions of wellness. Those dimensions are: emotional, financial, social, spiritual, occupational, physical, intellectual, and environmental. That’s a lot more than just exercise and dieting!

Ultimately, it comes down to giving each area of wellness adequate attention and keeping life balanced. Neglecting any of these areas can have a negative impact on overall wellness.
8 dimensions of wellness, SAMHSA.gov
SAMHSA describes each area as follows:
EMOTIONAL- Coping effectively with life and creating satisfying relationships.
FINANCIAL – Satisfaction with current and future financial situations.
SOCIAL – Developing a sense of connection, belonging, and a well-developed support system.
SPIRITUAL – Expanding our sense of purpose and meaning in life.
OCCUPATIONAL – Personal satisfaction and enrichment derived from one’s work.
PHYSICAL – Recognizing the need for physical activity, diet, sleep, and nutrition.
INTELLECTUAL – Recognizing creative abilities and finding ways to expand knowledge and skills.
ENVIRONMENTAL – Good health by occupying pleasant, stimulating environments that support well-being.

We’re supposed to dedicate time and energy to each of those areas??
If you’re like me, stopping there would feel pretty overwhelming. Sometimes it’s just HARD to keep life balanced, am I right?? Sometimes it can be pretty tough to find time to do just the healthy eating and exercise alone, then adding in nurturing a social support system, dedicating time to your occupation, trying to balance the finances, fitting in time to focus on spiritual health… and we’re not even to the bottom of the list yet!
BUT… we are NOT stopping there. Instead, as you continue taking part here at Every Day Incredible, we’re going to explore the problem areas. We’re going to put our fingers on those barriers that stand between us and meeting our wellness goals. Like with any overwhelming problem in life, it is helpful to take a controlled breath, step back, gather our thoughts, and come up with a plan.

If we don’t have a plan to achieve whatever goals we set (wellness or otherwise), the big picture looks jumbled and discouraging. “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” There’s something to that! We need to clarify our vision so we know where we are headed. Then we can figure out how we’re going to get there!
The first challenge I have for you is to examine your level of wellness. When you read through the list, you may have had an area or areas seem to jump out at you. I’d like you to go a step further and really assess each area. In our free membership area, you can find a worksheet to help you do just that, titled “Wellness Self-Evaluation.” If you have not yet joined the free membership group to gain access, click here.

 

 

 

 

Resource:

https://www.samhsa.gov/wellness-initiative/eight-dimensions-wellness

 

 

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