It’s No Secret…

This week, I had someone comment on my postpartum weight loss and ask me, “how did you do it?”For me, there’s no secret – when I was pregnant, I couldn’t eat much of anything without throwing up. Not a recommended weight loss method at all. However, it reminded me of a post I’d written as a contributor for another blog a few years ago, called Elevate Your Marriage. While I hesitate to share something I’ve shared elsewhere, I’d like to share this post with you here.THE SECRET TO WEIGHT LOSS…

For the past 6 weeks or so, I’ve been making an effort to be healthier. Walking more, eating less, drinking more water… the standard method. It seems to never fail that when others notice any kind of weight loss, the same question is uttered.

It’s usually almost said in a hushed tone, as if preparing to take in some monumental secret for a magical solution to taking off those extra pounds. The speaker may lean in and turn an ear more in your direction, just to make sure they don’t miss anything.

“How are you doing it?”

Is there a secret to it? Exercise. Watch what you eat. Drink plenty of water. Repeat tomorrow.

As I drove home from work today, I thought of my work as a therapist. I’ve worked with so many families who are dealing with their children’s behavioral problems, or with the aftermath of years of abuse, or even just years of poor communication that have wreaked havoc on a marriage.

When we begin to “let things slide,” problems pile up. When you decide to give in to your child’s demanding tone, rewarding the behavior, you’ll see it again. When you begin to take the elevator when you know you need to take the stairs, you’re more likely to do it again next time. When you allow hurt feelings to fester and avoid discussing an incident with your spouse, the bitterness and resentment will grow. If you tell yourself, “oh, I’ll clean up that mess tomorrow,” you may find yourself soon overwhelmed by the chaos around you.

I know all too well that sometimes life seems to beat us up and get us down. We all feel exhausted from time to time. We all need a vacation sometimes. It’s easy to get bored with the routine.

Look around you. What are you letting slide?

Do you need to have a good, long, heart to heart talk with your spouse or children? Do you need to start addressing your child’s unacceptable behavior? Do you need to start counting calories and getting more exercise? Do you need to regain control over the clutter in your home? Do you need to start saving for your retirement?

Here’s the big secret to getting it ALL done…

Ready for it?

There is no secret.

You didn’t arrive where you are now in just one day

 

It takes hard work. You didn’t arrive where you are now in just one day, and you’re not likely to be where you want to be in just one day either. It takes time and work. Break it down into manageable tasks and dig in. You can’t fund a retirement plan in one day, but you can skip the meal out and tuck that money away. You may not be able to clean the whole house in that hour you have, but maybe you can tackle one corner of the living room, or that sink full of dishes. You’re not going to lose all the extra pounds in one week, but you can lose a pound or two and still be healthy. You’re not likely to repair all the hurts in your marriage in one conversation or have a miracle 30 minute transformation of your child’s behavior, but you have to start somewhere.

There is no quick fix. It all takes work; but if you’re willing… oh, what a change you could have.

Philippians 4:13
New International Version (NIV)
13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

 

What change is God asking you to make?

If you would like some more personalized support as you work to balance your life through diving in to a wellness plan, check out the “take the next step” tab here at everydayincredible.net. Check back next week for more thoughts on finding Christ-centered life balance. What areas of life do you find are most difficult to balance? I look forward to hearing from you in the groups and want you to remember that every day is full of opportunities, so make every day incredible!

Resist the Devil and He Will Flee From You (August Affirmations Series #5)

Throughout this month, we have focused on affirmations as positive, healthy, and helpful self-talk. However… affirmations are not limited to self-talk. We live in a society that is quick to point out the negative. Any time spent on social media will certainly highlight this! Check out any political post, any article on public breastfeeding, or …. Well… really, any article that goes viral and is seen by keyboard warriors who care nothing about the poster or person referenced. It is both frightening and discouraging how quick people can be to tear others down just because they can.

We talked last week about the spiritual influences around us, and this is no different! The spiritual battlefield is real, and finding balance means we have to learn to acknowledge it for what it is. With that said, I’d like to turn this post toward affirming those around us.

Negativity can be an easy habit to form and a hard one to break. How many of you have found yourself in a vicious cycle of “no, stop, don’t” with your children, or in pointing out the negative in situations you face with your spouse? Telling yourself it’ll never get better? Telling your friends only the “bad stuff” happening to you?

I know I have! It wears us all down if we get into that mode. Misery loves company, so the saying goes. BUT… I’d like to stop here and share the verse that has played over and over in my head lately.

 

James 4:7  Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

 

I am realizing more and more what resisting the devil really looks like. It’s not only telling him to go away (but I totally do that too, in determined defiance), but it also looks like replacing those negative thoughts, criticisms, and hopeless statements with what we know is true and healthy. It looks like going against that sinful, selfish human nature when you are tempted to fire back a jab when your feelings are hurt. It looks like giving your child a hug when you feel like screaming. It looks like going to your spouse and saying, “I love you, how can we work on this together?” instead of slamming the door as you walk away.

 

“Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

 

I’m being completely real with you when I tell you, I had really gotten myself pulled into that negativity cycle for a while. With God’s help, I’m really working to change that. This morning, my 6 year old dumped his entire bowl of cereal in his lap. I kept my cool. He helped clean it up, the morning went on, and there was a lot of giggling going on about various things that happened (such as letting my three year old brush MY teeth so he wouldn’t whine about me brushing his… THAT was entertaining). At one moment, I looked at my husband and commented on the difference. I realized THAT is what resisting the devil often looks like in practice.

In another recent situation, I said something through text that came across poorly. It nearly caused a big blow-up between my husband and me. I felt that nagging temptation to snap at the response (though I completely understood how it had come across and why he was upset). I hesitated. I responded with an apology and reminding him that I love him and I didn’t mean for the statement to come across like it had. The moment passed, and it didn’t escalate. I later realized again… THAT was is what resisting the devil often looks like in practice. I thanked God and thought, “Ha! you didn’t play me that time, satan!”

I’m learning how important it is to not only resist the devil for my own self, but also to build up those around me. I’m trying to make a conscious effort to give more frequent affirmations to my family and others I encounter. Have you heard something positive about someone you know? Tell them. Is your spouse having a tough time at work? Tell him how appreciated he is. Tell your kids how great they are. Be sure you are taking time to acknowledge what is true of those around you. You will often be able to see their strengths much more quickly than they will. Help them resist the devil’s tactics by affirming them every chance you get with what you know is true. I’d like to get you started with some examples, but I would love for you to share your own as well!

 

You are loved.

You are appreciated.

You are a great kid!

You are such a great worker.

You inspire me when you _______.

I’m so thankful you are my husband.

I’m so thankful for your friendship.

You are a great listener.

You are a blessing to me.

You brighten my day.

You bring me joy.

You did such a great job with that.

You rock!

I’m so thankful to be your mommy.

You make me smile!

You are doing fantastic, thank you!

 

 

Think about what affirmations you would love to hear from others. Can you think of someone else who needs to hear the same? Tell them!

I’d like to leave you with one more passage for the week.

 

1 Thessalonians 5:11  Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

 

If you would like some more personalized support as you work to balance your life through affirmations, check out the “take the next step” tab here at everydayincredible.net. Check back next week for more thoughts on finding Christ-centered life balance. What areas of life do find are most difficult to balance? I look forward to hearing from you in the groups and want you to remember that every day is full of opportunities, so make every day incredible!

Where Affirmations Are Born: Finding Affirmations That Work for You (August Affirmations Series #3)

A few weeks ago, we talked about how to be happy by taking advice from a man considered to be the happiest man alive – to think positive thoughts, meditate on compassion, and focus on others instead of self. Week before last, my dear hubby shared his thoughts on using affirmations to release the juggernaut within. Last week, we talked about using affirmations to build on your grit and increase your success in life.

In fact, if you have been following this blog at all, you have already seen multiple references to the power of affirmations, or positive self-talk that is healthy and helpful. In this post I want to talk to you about finding affirmations that work for you. Affirmations will be different for every individual. It wouldn’t be very helpful if everyone had the same affirmation because not everyone has the same struggles.

When you are deciding what affirmations you would like to focus on each day, start by looking at the areas of the biggest struggle for you. We’ve talked about doing thought records and recording details about arguments or situations that cause distress for you, then looking more closely to explore what thoughts or beliefs may have influenced those situations. When you’re looking at what your underlying thoughts are, and working to challenge any unhelpful/unhealthy thoughts or beliefs by replacing them, that is where affirmations are born.

Affirmations need to be positively stated (try to avoid any “negative” words such as don’t, not, can’t, etc.), present tense, and true. Whether you find an affirmation that resonates with you from a list of affirmations, connect with a scripture passage that states a message you need to hear often and make into a habitual thought, or you come up with your affirmation by challenging an unhealthy belief, it’s important to make an effort to repeat the affirmation until it becomes more of a habit than the unhelpful self-talk was. Be creative in finding ways to keep your chosen affirmation fresh in your mind. I’ve given you lots of suggestions for this, but I’d love to hear YOUR ideas! Comment here or visit the Every Day Incredible Ladies facebook group to share your ideas (or ideas you find on pinterest of course).

In the meantime, I encourage you to find the affirmations that work best for you. Here are some examples:

 

I like myself.
I am enough.
I exist free of fear.
I can do it.
I achieve the goals I set for myself.
I am loved.
I’m a loved child of the Most High God.
I live and follow God’s perfect plan for my life each day.
Success is within my reach.
I have the right to feel how I feel.
I am proud of my progress.
I am proud of my success.
I am proud of myself.
I am secure in my identity as a child of God.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
I am likable.
I am lovable.
I am interesting.
I trust God and His plans for my life.
I have access to the resources I need.
My life has meaning and purpose.
I have a right to say no.
I have hope.
I am calm and confident.
I am responsible.

What affirmations do you need to hear most?

If you would like some more personalized support as you work to balance your life through affirmations, check out the “take the next step” tab here at everydayincredible.net. Check back next week for more thoughts on how affirmations can help you find balance! I look forward to hearing from you in the groups and want you to remember that every day is full of opportunities, so make every day incredible!

Using Affirmations to Release the Juggernaut Within (August Affirmations Series #1)

  1. Brian Tracy once stated, “Using affirmations… our potential is literally unlimited.” I would certainly agree with his assessment. Affirmations are without a doubt one of the most powerful personal development tools I have come across in not only my quest to realize my full occupational potential, but also in dealing with fear and anxiety. In addition to being an incredibly powerful stand-alone tool, I have also experienced that they work quite effectively when paired with goal setting and visualization as part of a daily personal and professional development routine.

For example: Each morning, I pour my favorite donut shop blend coffee in my giant Captain America mug, grab the day by the invisible horns, and say “Alright day. The stage awaits, so let’s rock!”

My rhythm section, if you like, consists of goals and affirmations. The work I do in my goals journal acts as my in-the-pocket beat commander. For those of you unskilled in the art of being a wannabe rock star – I’m referring to my imaginary personal development drummer. Along with goals, affirmations add some attitude and flavor to the established focus areas by laying down some beastly low end and supplying an abundance of drive and determination. This rock n’ roll party (think Paul Stanley) all gets kicked off within the first hour of being awake. How do you think this sets the tone for the remaining 23 hours? Since establishing this routine, I have personally experienced a dramatic increase in my willingness to get into the work day and immediately take on tasks that might normally frustrate or discourage me.

It is very possible at this point you could be asking yourself “what is an affirmation?” That’s actually a great question. An affirmation is simply a positive and assertive statement that can be repeated out loud, as self talk, for many different purposes.

You might develop affirmations for personal growth, professional development, achievement, success, or any number of topics.

In my case, I personally relied on affirmations for dealing with fear and anxiety prior to ever using them in the context of achievement or any similar topics. For example, one of my favorite affirmations for anxiety reads “I exist free of fear.”

Compared to the effect that goal setting has had in getting me laser-focused like the “Nature Boy” Ric Flair going after a figure-four leg lock, affirmations have been wildly successful in pairing that focus with a fired-up attitude towards success and achievement.

Here are a few additional examples of affirmations I use regularly:

– “I can do it.”
– “I am responsible.”
– “I feel incredible.”
– “I earn $________ per year, as an exceptional _________.”
– “I achieve the goals I set for myself.”
– “I am unstoppable.”

I should also mention that in my experience, there is no more powerful mental quality to be equipped with in life than resilience. When it comes to affirmations, one of the most important side effects I have noticed is that I am able to rebound far more quickly from rejections, disappointments, and outright failures at any time they may occur. Prior to my current routine this was definitely not the case for me. Affirmations have also provided me with the mental clarity to recognize and be reminded that failure does not exist in and of itself. Failure, in my opinion, is a very important stepping stone to success. Failure is to success as Peter Parker’s spider bite is to swinging from buildings via self-generated web.

What kind of experience have you had with affirmations? Are you in need of a tool in your daily routine that may have the ability to drown out negativity while increasing the level of optimism, resilience, drive, and excitement in your life? No matter where you are in your personal development journey it’s never a bad idea to begin incorporating affirmations into your daily routine. Don’t wait until a better time to begin learning more about the amazing resources that are available at your fingertips. Make a decision to unleash your inner juggernaut today and feel the positive effect that affirmations can make for you!

Are you ready to learn more about the unbelievably positive effect that affirmations could have in your life? Visit http://www.EveryDayIncredible.net and pick up some tips, tricks, motivation, and entertainment for your personal development journey!

What’s Your Excuse? From Making Excuses to Finding Motivation

 

Excuses.

Let’s face it. We all have them. What’s your excuse for continuing in the same path you’ve been traveling?

“I’m too stressed.”

“It’s the only thing that helps me relax.”

“I deserve it because what they did hurt me.”

“I’m just in a bad mood.”

“I’ve been in a funk since……. ”

“It’s just my personality, I can’t help it.”

“It’s just how I was brought up.”

“It’s just….”

“I’m just….”

Enough.

While some excuses may be true, why do we let them dictate our actions? Why do they have to determine whether or not we are going to get out of our ruts?

What if, instead of focusing on excuses that are holding you back, you shifted your thinking to all of the reasons to move forward?

What if you challenged each of those excuses you’ve used. Are they accurate? Would you tell your best friend the same things about her? For example, would you tell your best friend she deserves to be mistreated? Would you tell your best friend that she just doesn’t have what it takes to improve and move forward? Do you tell yourself those things?

What purpose do your excuses serve? Excuses have a way of masking our fears and insecurity. If we don’t try, we can’t fail, right? That may be true, but if we don’t try, we also can’t succeed.

Sometimes, when looking for motivation and clearing your head so you can make a decision to move forward, it can be very helpful to weigh the pros and cons. The process works best when you list every “pro,” or positive consequence of making whatever the change or decision is, as well as every pro of NOT making the change or decision. Follow that with every “con,” or undesireable consequence of making that change/decision vs. not making that change or decision.

When you can see that the pros of working toward your goals and cons of staying where you are outweigh the opposite… THAT is how you find motivation. Combine that with a good, solid plan of action, and you have momentum.

Below is a chart taken from an ebook I wrote on how to beat anxiety (check out the ecourse here). This specific pros and cons chart is a sample based on the decision to make the necessary changes to address and defeat anxiety. We could look at it now as a decision to make a change or cling to past excuses that mask our fear and insecurity.

What are your excuses? What fears lie beneath them?

Proverbs 15:22

Without counsel, plans fail; but with many advisors, they succeed.

When you’re making any decision and you’re weighing out the pros and cons, it can be very helpful to talk to those you love and trust, and those you know are going to give you honest opinions and not just go along with whatever you think. Above all, don’t forget to pray about your decisions and ask God for His guidance.

Be sure to head over to the Every Day Incredible Ladies facebook group and discuss your own pros and cons lists. What are your reasons for making the changes you need to make so you can move forward and make every day incredible?

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